Rekindling Old Flame, Accidental Hero and Villain, What Marriage Means To Me

This post contains: Rekindling Old Flame, Accidental Hero and Villain, What Marriage Means To Me

Rekindling Old Flame

This is not about lovers being given a second chance rekindling old flame. This is about being given a second stab at life; an opportunity to get to know yourself again; to be who you were, who you are, who you are supposed to be. This is about being able to do what you really want to do. Now is the time to rekindle that old flame.

I just watched this old remake film again earlier today about women in general; how they tend to betray even their best friend to keep their career and pride; how they imprison ourselves behind their man's shadow; how they hide away from what they are meant to be because they think they've seen it all when they have been there and have done that and it did not work the first time.

The latter refers to a woman who is afraid to be involved with men due to many failed relationships. She swayed away from the norm and chose to have another woman instead. The first is about a magazine editor who is engulfed by her personal success in her career that she sells her best friend's failed marriage out to keep her own. The second and most thought provoking of all is about a very talented wife who preferred to leash her personal dreams so her husband can shine better than she should have been. The movie ends well as all ends well anyway.

I wrote this because whatever I saw in the movie made me think twice. I have never been myself anymore since I was in this relationship-hardship. Pen and paper; words and lyrics: this is who I am, this is what I do. I may work at odd jobs and maybe involved in weird circumstances but these as well as no one should eat me whole and all.

The overpowering clouds over my head had just been cleared. I can think clearly now. It's the movie which moved me and I may have to add something else as well on top of that. There is this memory of a guy I have wronged before when he was yet a boy which I certainly regret that flashed thru my head too. Thoughts about this and of him have exposed all the ideas and wants I so ever kept within myself for quite a while. I am beginning to love the power of written words again. My thanks to this movie and to his thoughts.

They say there is always a man behind a woman. She will be the shadow to his success; that may be true but it is still so much better to accomplish something of your own and make a name for yourself. You are not simply Mrs. Smith or so, you are Jane Smith. You may have his last name but it's still you, in person, in thoughts, in soul. Better live up to it. #

Accidental Hero and Villain

There are people who get to do something good without intending to do so and there are those who are exactly the opposite. The former is an "accidental hero" while latter is an "accidental villain."

This idea may sound crazy but I feel like I have been to numerous circumstances wherewith the unintentional pain was inflicted to someone that I practically may not even know personally. I used to live in cyberspace; I seemed to be autistic back then, not talking to real persons a lot but good at relating to people within my network online. I wonder if there is anything good that ever came out of being a cyber person?

This guy I mentioned (points at the prior entry) whom I suddenly remembered could have probably been one of the unfortunate losses of my so-called "accidental villain" complex. I may just be imagining things but the thoughts of this guy (who was a young boy only) back then is so overpowering I have to spill what my brains thinks of because if don't, I may feel like I will simply explode or disappear like dust.

I do not even know what I actually feel to begin with. All i know is that the guilt is so much to bear that all the self-inflicted pain is nothing compared to what I believe I have cost him. Maybe I'm mad but I imagine I have already met him again, not in the Internet but here, where I work. I will definitely be speechless about it and much as I want to tell him everything and how I really feel, I'm sure I will be tongue tied if it ever comes to that point. What I do know is that I think I'm stalking him or something now (Haha). Whatever the case maybe, I still enjoy dropping by cyberspace and rubbing elbows with cyber version of everyone. #

What Marriage Means To Me

One would say marriage is about souls in unison but I say it is but B.S. There is no such thing as being one in all you do because everyone, particularly the married always have something to argue about. You can say, the oneness is not due to the absence of argument, but in the politics of finally agreeing to the stronger party's ideas.

I do not condone marriage for I know there are benefits you get from it. One should be the agreeable nod of everyone: the law, the church, and the people you know who does not want to be shamed with getting acquainted with someone unmarried. Also, the emotional and mental uplift you get from the other half be it better or bitter. But on the contrary, is not the worst in you revealed during marriage? You may also be depressed because of it most of the time.

I don't want to mention anything religious because I have this twisted logic that I tend to bend everything to fit my reasoning be it right or wrong. But come to think of it, was not marriage merely described in the Bible as "knowing the other person?" It was quoted as "and...knew her and she knew him..." The original thought may have been lost during translation but in all the many translations there are now, it ends up almost if not the same thing. Yes, every woman imagines walking down the aisle and wearing a gown or so, but that is just a ceremony and the vow itself comes after the party is over. In the Bible again, there was no major celebration anyway, it ends up "him" bringing "her" to his tent and knowing her through the night.

Sometimes the actual marriage is a facade too. There are marriages which are based on superficial reasons. Yes, one or the other may learn to love the unknowing victim but if it did not start right, what is there to expect in a few more years? I do not patronize any books that preaches the noble way to do it but there is truth in some basic rules that one can follow before actually tying the knot with someone if ever they choose to do so.

Only fools rush in as they say, specially in this divorce forbidden place. I wish I was from a land where painful as it may be, I will have the freedom to let go and not be tied to someone else's name for good. In the Bible (I feel sorry to be quoting so), divorce was allowed, be it forced and even evil as it may seem and is because of polygamy. It's probably the changing times which lead to the culture of monogamy. Yet who knows, it may just be another facade again and the other party is actually involved with an additional lover without the partner's knowledge about it.

So much for a very long narrative on the twisted ideas of a disappointed fool. Maybe I am just bitter for I will never know how it feels to walk the aisle and wear the gown anyway. I never go to weddings anymore since this relationship-hardship started. He told me today that I should just marry someone free. He can get another girl anyway. I don't know the exact translation to "mauuto" but that's how he said it. I'm sure he loves me nonetheless and regrets ever getting into a his past marriage which lasted only four months (HaHa). #