I am not suicidal at this moment. I was never suicidal. I never pondered upon committing suicide. I thought of the idea of suicide though in one too many depressing moments. But that was not pondering at all. Those were just “emo” instances with all the “what ifs” in mind.
There is always a way out of anything, so they say. But when you are down in the dumps, clarity is often missing that you are unable to think through your clouded thoughts. At that very moment when all you can imagine is the weight of your burden, then nothing matters anymore. People, events, and things do not matter. These simply fade behind the background of hopelessness and helplessness. There seems to be no possible solutions to your problem even if there are. It doesn’t even matter how great or small your issues are. You feel like your Atlas with the weight of the world upon your shoulders even if it seems easy from an external point of view.
Those are the instances when you are deprived of logic and self control. You are vulnerable to ideas which appear stupid during ordinary days. Thoughts of suicide knock on your door. The freedom from all the worries of life is tempting. There will be nothing to care about. Nothing to feel, see, hear, smell, or taste. Nothing at all remains after, lifeless.
Sad but true. Many are successful with suicide. There are even cultures where it is embraced with open arms. You may have probably watched news clips of these on T.V at some point. Some of whom are even recognized personalities in your country.
The topic of suicide is present in forum and message boards. Opinions vary. Some offer helpful advice. Some talk about it with scrutinizing words. Still others look at it from a hilarious point of view. Inputs which are medical and psychological in nature can also be read.
It may sound unbelievable but there are even suicide pacts online which promote the act. Suggestions of how it can be accomplished are even available. Some have also come up with cults that are based over the web. Some of which have sadly ended in tragic meet ups of death. Notably, a great number of which are located in the east. Read news clips in this site: New Prophecy.
As for me, the most I ever tried was an overdose of multivitamins and minerals. I feel asleep and woke up the following day. The only thing I had learned from that experience was the fact that everything when taken in excess is no longer beneficial. The same rule applies even to vitamin supplements. :)
Years before that, “emo” depressive moments were documented with pen and paper in a journal. Of which I have posted years after in an older blog. More of the drama in the earlier days of this blog: Thoughts of Death and Suicide.
Most clips about suicide pacts online in the aforementioned New Prophecy site are dated 2005. Despite newer news seen on T.V., I haven’t read anything new on suicide pacts. Makes me wonder just out of curiosity if there are still any suicide groups today. I have no plans of creating one by the way. But let me conclude this writing with the question below:
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