Why Do We Hurt The Ones We Love? Like...Always

This is a glaring issue that is not just meant for couples but for every relationships that we are involved with, like our parents, our siblings, our friends, etc. We always want to have a harmonious relationship, we always want to spend the rest of our days with the people we love, but why do we still fall short and ending up hurting them? Why do we love them and yet cruel to them at the same time through words or actions?

I was bothered when I read this line “it’s not the strangers that we need to fear, but the people we know.” Because I, myself can relate. We want to fervently stop causing pain (verbal insults, disparaging remarks, or actions that cry our disgust) but we keep on coming back once we are in good terms again.

photo courtesy of urbanlegendkampala.com ( Google Image)

Stress and Pressure

Deborah South Richardson, a psychology professor sited every day aggression as one of the culprits. Because of the pressure and the stress, we go home angry and frustrated that we want them to know how much we are hurting, making them the easy target of our frustrations. It is our defense mechanism of hiding our vulnerabilities.

Too Much Honesty

Too much honesty has its own price. We want to be as honest as possible by telling the truth like how annoying one can be, how disappointing he/she can be. We should be aware that the truth is not what hurts the most sometimes, but it’s how you say it.

Perfection

We love them so much that we want them to be perfect, making them feel like they are under our scrutiny all the time; that every mistake is counted, leaving them no room for excuses. We misunderstand them because we are so focused on the result not the cause. We are under the snare of our emotions, not the truth behind the actions.

Walk or Talk

When you think you are in the brink of exploding, take a long walk. This will give you time to ponder over things and a chance to talk to God. Talk to a spiritual mentor, a friend, or another relative. Talking can ease out the burden and will give you a different opinion on how to cope up.

The problem is not really them. It is us. Instead of looking at our loved one’s fault, why not focus on you and reflect on where all the anger and frustrations are coming from? Sometimes we just want to be assured, comforted, and valued. Aggression is not the key but finding inner peace.

Jessie Corpuz-Dericto, 28 years old is a Freelance Writer, Blogger, Virtual Assistant and a nursing mom. She is also into news and trends, fashion, photography, painting, and sketching. She loves sensible talks, long walks and activities that will enrich both the mind and soul.