Yes, there are still cases where
extended families live together. An
extended family is composed of parents, children, and other relatives living
together in one roof or nearby such as in duplexes, compounds, and apartments
for example. There are benefits when you
have your relatives living close to you such as pitching in for expenses,
baby-sitting, have someone close to you to talk to when you need to open up, and
so on and so forth. But, there are also
downsides to it such as petty family quarrels, invasion of privacy, and other
ways that will harm smooth relationships among extended family members. So, how do you deal with it? Being in a situation like this, here are some
good points to remember:
Set the Rules
Show by Example
The fact that you own the house and
relatives were just asking favors temporarily by living in with you doesn't
mean that you are exempted from following the rules. You lead the way in executing the rules such
as turning off the lights when not in use, proper garbage disposal, and
maintaining decorum like not receiving guests beyond ten in the evening.
Do Not Interfere
Even if you treat each other like
brothers and sisters, as part of the extended family, you should know your
place in the house. Do not attempt to
encroach in family matters like how to discipline a child, decorating the
house, implementing your own rules without discussing with the owner of the
house, and prying into intimate details.
You can only interfere once there is violence involved or relatives have
asked your help. It also helps to assure
your relatives that you are always around if they need consolation or a helping
hand.
Sit Down and Talk
From time to time, you need to discuss
about almost everything that affects everybody in the house. This is an opportunity to evaluate and amend
some rules and guidelines. It may be an
opportunity too for an intimate discussion to resolve matters that calls for
you to interfere.
As a rule, the extended member should
adjust to the family. Thus, he or she
doesn't have the right to criticize and insist his own opinions and views to other
members. Leave your ideas about
religion, politics, and social commentaries to yourself. Nobody wins in these arguments.
Maintain Your Own Personal Items
Sometimes, small things like soap,
shampoo, and toothpaste can be a source of major quarrel between you and your
relatives. Thus, you have to keep your
own toiletries and hygiene products. Plus,
do not borrow clothes from them.
Borrowing clothes is a stress and pressure contributor. Why? Your relatives cannot say no to you.
I hope that these ideas will help you
achieve peaceful co-existence with extended relatives living in your
homes.
Contributed by: Alden I. Bula
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