3 Facts You Ought to Know About Virtual Relationships

I don’t intend to generalize virtual relationships because I have friends who were able to meet the “one” through online dating and they are happily married. But this is more of a precautionary guide intended for people especially the teens who are hooked to online chats, meeting and making friends through group chats affiliated with the known social networking sites today, and eventually diving into a “virtual relationship” not aware of the real deal that they can get (susceptible heartbreaks and even dangers) out of it.

What is so disturbing nowadays is that our young generation is so much exposed to the new culture they thought is the "norm" where they can just take a snap of almost everything of "what’s going on at this moment” with their lives and just upload it for the sake of seeking approval and validation from their peers and subconsciously intended to attract potential romantic prospects. 


Sadly, the conventional ways of courtship and the old-fashion getting-to-know-each-other stages has now been overtaken by the trend of meeting people instantly through dating sites, group chats and Skype. They normally target group chats with common denomination like the love of music, looking for romance, and others not only to meet new people but hopefully finding a partner. Online dating is an open-gate where one can be into a relationship overnight, not knowing that the “guy” she thought is exclusively hers, is flirting with 3 more unsuspecting girls all at the same time and the identity that he is presenting is not even himself. Tragic!

Of course, not everyone has bad intentions, others are really nice and genuinely are just lounging to group chats to meet new people and gain new friends and affiliates,  but then personal safety should always be a prime consideration when forging online relationships.

And so if this is you, then here are some of the things that you should think about before going steady to that “someone” you just met online.

Beware of Fictional Characters and Posers

Some psychologists mention that a certain online persona or a fictional character is created when the computer is on. Often times, that persona is presented somewhat similar to one’s own personality but only a better version of himself. And with constant interaction especially to his target of interest, the other person eventually will fall in love with this online persona. Unfortunately that persona stays virtual and in reality is a far cry from who he really is; hence, leading to disappointments and the feeling of being emotionally deceived.

The internet sadly gives leeway for people to pretend to be someone (posers) and has the capability of indulging themselves to become these fictional characters which can bait a lot of victims if one is not careful about it. One can grab as many pictures of someone and pretend to be that person. Not to mention the countless cases of a girlfriend or a boyfriend breaking up with his or her partner, even a wife or a husband leaving his/her family because they were duped by an online lover only to find out that that person is very different from what led her or him to believe. Or worse, he turned out that he just faked his name and he is not that person he said he was in first place. A married guy or girl can easily pretend that he or she is single. That's how easy it is to switch identities. Reality can utterly disappoint fantasy.

Not to mention the effects of Camera 360 and other apps that crop, enhance, and edit images and pictures in order to project the best features that one wants others to see just to catch attention. I have read a lot of forums about deceits, betrayals and dishonesty most especially from guys complaining that the girls they thought are “hot” online look way, way different in person. Asked if they will date the same person if they only knew? They vehemently refused.

And the worst part is the abuse of freedom wherein a lot of teenagers especially young girls who are too daring and vulgar,  just recklessly posting suggestive photos online which can be accessed easily by all, not realizing the dangers lurking just around the corner.

We have seen and heard news with headlines like “18-Year Old Shot Dead By A Man She Met On Facebook” or young girls being blackmailed after luring them into engaging in cybersex activities and recording them, suspects turned out to be not those identities that they presented to the victims and still are at large.

Set Up Expectations that are Realistic and Based on Something Real

I suggest that before diving into a “virtual relationship” you should be aware first-hand of what is expected in such situation. Apart from having a fictional character, the issues of trust, betrayal and deceits are tied up to this too.

There are a lot (men and women), and again (this doesn’t apply to all) who can promise the moon and the stars only to find out that you are not the only one that she or he is into. Unlike conventional courtship, one can easily be into a virtual relationship overnight. Why? Because it is accessible, low-maintenance, less complicated and people can single-handedly express their emotions by typing compared to the real one wherein love needs to be expressed. Apart from that, it is very convenient for those who think that online dating is just a “game” and they don’t fully commit or engage themselves seriously.

The thing is, it is so easy to type. It is so easy to pretend that you love someone. And a lot of guys knew how to play around with words, because they are so aware that girls love romance. They knew how to target one's vulnerabilities...giving this attitude that girls can fully trust them.  But then, these guys has the capability to multi-task, too. And they can easily and freely talk and flirt to several other girls all at the same time. That's the sad reality. It does happen. Online dating often empowers infidelity which unfortunately is not a healthy environment  if you are looking for a serious relationship in the first place.

A lot are really just out to have fun and are not seriously looking for permanent partners so if you are looking for a long-term relationship or a serious one that can lead to marriage, I suggest to skip this scenario. But if you are game and want to take the risk, then just come prepared when someone hurt you because of non-committal or betrayal.

Conventional Courtship is Still the Best

Some people want to meet new people through group chats and social networking for the intention of meeting them eventually in person and be on a “real date” which is okay for me.

But honestly, I still prefer the old-fashioned way wherein a guy can take you out for dinner or a movie perhaps, where you can talk to him face-to-face,  look at him directly in the eyes, hear him laugh, snort and make some funny facial gestures; where he can walk you home and get-to-know each until you eventually end up being in a relationship.

Emotional relationships, those deeper ones seldom exist online. That specific kind of warmth and caring normally can be expected from a "real" relationship instead.

Again, some were successful with virtual relationships, some aren’t. Don’t fall too quickly without knowing the real identity of that person that you are going steady with. Don’t forge yourself into online relationships and dating unless you are absolutely sure of what you want. Never trust a person online that easily. Trust needs to be earned. Don't be completely naive to the online world, especially the dangers related to it. Be vigilant and prepared. Virtual relationships should be handled the way you would a real world relationship but I would say that unless you are so sure that he or she is already the “one,” do not invest yourself 100% emotionally and instead, leave the benefit of the doubt so that when realistic expectations are not met and the relationship did not work in the end, then it wouldn’t be that bad.

I want to coin this statement from Psychology of Online Virtual Relationships. “If online relationship progresses to the point that you find yourself falling in love, I think the parties involved should take a step back and think, 'What do I really know about this person?' If the answer is nothing, then I think that the relationship should not enter reality and should stay virtual.”

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