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| Patrick Garcia in his younger years |
Most, if not all
girls, have a list of standards. I say that because I used to have a list of
the same sort. I’ve lost it a decade ago—in elementary but there were two
men—fine—boys who scored perfect! Laugh now, while you’ve got the chance. One
of them was, yes, Patrick Garcia. (Imagine me laughing out loud with you). Were
you one of us? Did you ever make up a list of your own standards in men? If you
did, was it effective? I’d say mine was as flawless as my newly cleaned screen.
I do not remember the items on my list since it’s been years since I had it.
But I’d say its effectiveness serves me well up to this very day.
I remember
having 25 items on that list. I wrote it at the back of a small blue notebook
that I bring to church every Sunday or Saturday and each time I meet a boy or
see a boy I like—apparently even the ones I see on TV, I check the items and
see how they scored. Funny how some even got a score of one or zero and I have
them crossed out from my, as I called them, “prospects.” And after failing the
test, they no longer exist in my world as a possible husband, or boyfriend at
the least. They just stay in that status—friend, classmate, playmate, sometimes
even...stranger boy.
Whatever it says
of my upbringing as a child, I’m proud of it although it is something I might
really be embarrassed about once people come to me and tell me they’ve read
this. I am glad that I wrote that list. The man who would hold my future shall
have all the 25 qualities on my list. He fails if he lacks one. On that list,
he should be perfect. If he passes, he’ll move on to the next level in the
ladder of success to my heart.
Level 1. Pass
or Fail
That ‘list of
standards’ may be a piece of paper but to me it was a document on which my
future will be based. It was a matter of life and love. Few of them have passed
but at the time of the list’s conception, two boys passed my very high bar.
Patrick was one. Obviously, he’s a little impossible to approach and I think I
cheated on some of the items especially just for him. But moving up a level
doesn’t automatically open the gates for those who were fortunate. They were
actually up for a more difficult climb.
Level 2.
Study and Research
Years of study
and research will follow, making sure that he was worthy to pass the first 25
items. At this level I try to find out if we could be good friends, talk
randomly with no discomfort or awkwardness, what he talks about, his reaction
to what I say, if we click and have fun, what he says when I go silent, if he
makes me laugh, and the best and most important thing at this level—if he is at
all interested.
It cannot and
should never be one-sided, except for Patrick. Still, unrequited love is not my
forever. And nor should it be anyone’s. God created us to give love and be
loved.
Level 3.
Years of Friendship
He becomes part
of my group of friends. We hang-out, bond, chat, and share homework. The
getting-to-know stage of a relationship should start a good amount of time
before you actually move on to courting or even dating each other. There are
tests in the course of friendship that reveal trustworthiness and loyalty. And
after unknowingly being put to the test, is he still interested?
Level 4. More
Years of Friendship
Yes, more of
that. Because I will not and cannot resort to Patrick Garcia as my only option
and I am beyond doubt in no hustle. This level does not test, instead it gets
close. It’s certainly at a higher intensity. No relationship is better than
friendship. For example, you can have a relationship with your mom but maybe
you’re not friends. Imagine, if you are in a relationship with a non-relative
guy and you’re not even friends. Relationships that are not founded on
friendship rarely last.
Level 5.
Courtship-slash-Mutual Understanding Status
Beyond the
friend-zone is this idea of mutual understanding when a flourish of tingling
feelings (a.k.a. kilig in Tagalog) envelops you. Let’s all clap and
congratulate the very promising dude. He has gone through the tough and harsh
assessment that no one else during that day and age seemed willing to
undertake. I wouldn’t submit myself to that, if I were him, and yet he
did—willingly submit. And because of that I am glad.
Level 6. This
is IT!
This stage
reveals that he is a tough one. At this very high altitude where oxygen is
almost not free, he’d probably feel suffocated. So if he doesn’t go running off
to the lowlands, it’s a really good sign. Well, he shouldn’t because this is
the finish line of the initial elimination round he decided to train for. He
should be prepared for the marathon of his life. He could keep his hopes up
that we’ll be running it hand in hand.
It’s not always
a happy ending. Like any game of life, finding the guy whom you can spend a
lifetime with is like a hit and miss, trial and error game. And like any game
in real life, when you lose, you’re just gonna have to get back up and start
all over again, from level zero. But starting from the ground isn’t always bad.
It’s a chance for fresh learning, new beginnings, unlimited opportunities.
Disclaimer:
There’s no such thing as a perfect boyfriend, but in real life, there is a
person who is our perfect match.
I brought my
list with me and into the world where I accept there are a lot of
imperfections. And despite the existing flaws of the earth, I wanted to strive
for excellence. It not that I am asking a lot in a man who I deserve and will
spend at least some of my life with, it’s because I know in my heart that I am
worth a lot. Happy endings don’t happen everyday. It’s a result of your decision
to make your relationship work, survive humps and bumps and thrive in this
life.
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